You see many of you have asked me why take to the internet now in your life? I mean its clear, there were significant events over the past year that have changed the way I think, but also it is my sincere hope that someone randomly might read this and find out there is some hope. By putting it "out there", and being frank about how I feel - I hope that not only does it give perspective to some people but maybe cause some positive change (one way or another) for others. You'd think I was posting state secrets but instead I am posting secrets from within.
Perhaps put simply why is expressing emotions or deep thoughts such a dangerous game?
Socrates said it best, "The unexamined life is not worth living." I needed to grow up, own up and rise up in order to begin the process of introspection. What I have found is that the process for me and what I go through feels like a journey.
Imagine if you will waking up in a room with no lights or windows... you fumble around in the dark for a while trying to figure where the walls are, where the light switch is, is there a door or a window. That's what it felt like about a year ago. For the first time in my life I put the brakes on the distractions that surround us and instead focused on the issues with in. It wasn't easy at all. But when I found a door out of that solitude it was like the brightest light shining into the darkest place. And when the light hit the room, I saw my captor, myself, looking back at me in a mirror.
I have fought my way out of that room... Scars and all I am very very proud of that. More importantly, nobody can take that away from me. My final act in saying good bye to that place was closing the door forever when I found the courage to walk out of it for good.
Once out of that cell, and to this very day I am hacking my way through thickets of emotions, which left unattended have grown to be pretty dense but I know how to get through them all.
All those references seemingly cause panic in some people. The mere fact that I am publicizing them more so. The truth of the matter is those who fear it, I fear, are locked in the very same room I use to be. For them it is easier to keep their eyes wide shut and fool themselves into a sense of completion. It's like they are torturing themselves, fooling themselves that their room is "ok" or safe, unaware that they have fallen into their own well laid trap, Sartre's "No Exit"comes to mind...
INEZ: Mere chance? Then it's by chance this room is furnished as we see it. It's an accident that the sofa on the right is a livid green, and that one on the left's wine-red. Mere chance? Well, just try to shift the sofas and you'll see the difference quick enough. And that statue on the mantelpiece, do you think it's there by accident? And what about the heat here? How about that? I tell you they've thought it all out. Down to the last detail. Nothing was left to chance. This room was all set for us.
Know this I will always shatter that illusion by the very nature of who I have become. And I am those people's mirror now reflecting back something they do not want to see. So some people simply glaze over the wrong issues, there I said it, and sad how it isn't a shock right?
So I promise you this will not always be a dull thud of a blog, fun is on the horizon... I just think that expressing yourself, in any venue, should only be met with an open mind and nothing else...
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