So its not hard to imagine that War of the Roses is a favorite movie of mine.... OK it's dark comedy, but at its core - I feel - shows in exaggerated sense the depth to which two people will descend in the name of love or to avenge it...
But have you looked around lately - for me every where I go there are Barbara and Oliver Roses' abounding... People who in the name of love do the craziest things... It is as if generations who saw this movie were silently, subliminally programmed to become those two, years later...
Now love to me is a complex and dense emotion... It goes to the very core of everything that we hold dear... and for me it gives me great pause at both the wonderful and chilling effects it can have...
So today, Valentine's Day, I ran into a Barbara and Oliver Rose at a great cafe on the Upper West Side... Like always, I ordered the Pesto Scramble (simply the best eggs you could EVER have) and while I was checking email and drinking coffee there entered a very well dressed couple...
The woman was in her mid thirties, impeccably dressed with big dark Channel sun glasses on... Wondering why I am so up on eye fashion these days? No wonder... the word Channel appeared on the side of her glasses... Any how, she sat down immediately to my right... With her processed hair and very pouty lips she looked like she was about to be interviewed in Vogue. Wearing quite form fitting black from head to toe, she gave off a vibe of a fashion ninja - ready to strike at any time - perhaps her sun glasses were her weapon of choice. In comes this guy who matched her in every way... you could tell they were a couple...
Sporting a very trendy grey suit and quite sleek hair - he too looked like he was ready for some action - this time in the board room... He kept checking his phone and/or his watch and every so often checked himself out in a reflective surface of choice... He was, like her, just a little over done - betraying a false sense of confidence that only his waxer could call out...
For at least a good 3 minutes nothing was said as they sat there... mind you there are no menus on the table and they are simply staring at each other... when they weren't admiring their personal glorious view. It was like watching cats size each other up... To his great dismay, he could never see her eyes for the sunglasses obscured them... but boy could he see himself in their reflection...
Finally Barbara 2 blurted out, "You can at least get me some coffee..." It was as if she threw a throwing star at him and silently he rose and went to the counter... While he was ordering she pulled out of her purse a mirror and began to check her lips... I thought it strange she just didn't use one of the other surfaces she was already admiring herself in - but perhaps she needed to pull out the big guns...
Some loud electro-pop-synthesized ringtone blared out of her pocket - loud enough to make me jump and her to quickly fold the mirror... She looked at her phone, then looked at Oliver 2 and said, "Tell them to make it quick, our appointment is in 15 minutes..." Again Ollie 2 went back to his stare down of the wait staff to get the coffees...
Thankfully my eggs arrived... it gave me a prop to further investigate the goings on of the table to the right of me...
Oliver returned with coffee and cake in hand... With out warning - like a good ninja should - Barbara 2's attack was calculated precisely between stirring milk into her coffee and grabbing a forkful of cake...
"You know this is all your fault..." she hissed, "we wouldn't even have this stupid appointment if you would have listened to me..."
"Listen to you? Listen? That is the last thing you do when I talk is listen..." he retorted as a tiny sugar explosion erupted with his response... It was like the granules of sugar were little pieces of him - collateral damage from Babs 2's first blow...
After coming to grips with the sugar situation, he continued his attack, "I mean really, its all about blame for you? What about the big picture..."
At this point I have to say as good as the eggs were, this free entertainment was becoming quickly the thing to watch....
"Let's face facts, this is the big picture, it's Valentine's Day and we are going to a couples counselor... not my idea of romance..." Good point, I thought... I did get a little nervous that more sugar would pour out of his psychic wounds...
You could tell this was a fight they had before, after gulping down some coffee he said, "I think that it's the most romantic thing we could do... save our marriage..."
Now at this point I have to say witnessing this at point blank range and on the face of his statement he seemed sincere... It was like he pushed the big red button and the nuclear option was used... but Barbara 2 was no slouch... She came back with her own nuclear weapon and its uranium was made of deadly combination of anger and high drama...
"I don't know if I want to save our marriage...", I waited for old fashion organ music to play, but sadly it didn't happen...
At this point, I believe the owners were glad its a cash and carry establishment... Barbara slammed the table into Oliver as she rose... Her scorn was like a heat lamp melting the pan au chocolates in the near by case...
Spinning around on her expensive heels, she said, "Hurry up" and mockingly "We have to go S A V E our marriage..." and out the door she went... I am positive there was love in that statement - but perhaps buried way down deep inside...
Oliver removed the marble table from his chest, slowly got up, and with anger and hurt in his eyes followed her out... These moments seemed almost too real for him as he fumbled to open the door... From the plate glass window I watched them disappear into the city, bickering and yelling as they made their way to what hopefully is salvation...
Now I know this isn't the most romantic story, especially on Valentine's day... But there is a lesson to be learned... I implore you all, whether it is the love of your life sitting next to you as you read this - or its someone you have loved and lost, or if you are thinking that you are out of love with someone - DO NOT BECOME BARBARA AND OLIVER ROSE... Seriously, we are all better than that...
As the waitress was clearing my plate, she looked at me and smiled... She said, "Talk about awkward..." I said, "No, not all - they were charming as Barbara and Oliver Rose..."
Happy Valentine's Day kids...
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