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***  Ok kids let's play a game...  What the hell am I really saying?

Yoga Plant Fume
Of How Wink You
Did Serve Molly
Piano Printer
He Truth Knot Two

Looking forward to answers...

A Warning of Words

"Words are birds with fragile wings and swords for lords and fearful kings"

So I think I am a little fed up tonight...  I'm not feeling my wry little self today... Now this is not a normal post of mine, and though I exercise great restrain on this blog... I figure I am allow to vent once in a while...

So everything you read here is boiled down to one common denominator... that is... everything is simply words...  These are well place and thought out words that elicit emotions and hopefully make all of you think, or laugh, or pause or something and that's that.... the goal is to make you feel...

I haven't been "feeling" in a while... the yet to be documented series of events that got me to this place, left me temporarily without the ability to "feel"...  Just know that I suffered major emotional traumas along the way....  but here I am, deciding that the best way to deal with my demons, is to expose them for all to see....  Crazy or stupid or brave - you can make your own choice...

You see I firmly believe we are put on this earth to be examples of what our collective potential is...  So truly, why not make lemonade out of lemons?  Is it so wrong to write about experiences and feelings.  It certainly has been done before...  My favorite book is the Great Gatsby, and I admire each and every word written in it - for its placement, thought and emotion... It is witnessing a great feat of literary architecture...  But I doubt F. Scott Fitzgerald worried about someone interpreting his book the wrong way...

If you see a truth in you or someone you know, because I have written something, that is simply your experience, and I hope its a good one... perhaps, if its bad, you need to know it is not even my intention... Several people have taken this to a greater level and have shall we say exposed themselves by making words personal that weren't even meant for them...  In fact, it is almost insulting that these people are so desperate to make themselves relevant that they dream up scenarios that force my words to try and fit their situations...  it isn't always about them - I'm sad to say...

This is a risky game I play and I gladly play it because I enjoy it and I hope I give back something to anyone who reads this - plain and simple...  I struggle with being heard all the time...  By writing things - at least in these situations - I feel I have a fighting chance...  Every response I get from you all, and there a lot of you, gives me encouragement...  

You know that several people have sent me messages really identifying with these words...  Whether its my struggles with my appearance, weight or emotions it is nice to know that I am not alone...  I am not trying to be the Lifetime movie of the week but I really love hearing back from you... I am honored that people are moved, sometimes angered but always respectful - at least most of the time - when they try to convey their experience with me.

I leave you with this, please know that I truly appreciate everyone who is taking this journey with me...  and while my posts have been sporadic this month - I am promising you bigger and better things to come...

THANK YOU ONE AND ALL!

Monster in the Freezer Case

So I believe I just saw a monster...  in the freezer case of Whole Foods no less...

Sitting in a clear jar, toying with my emotions, the beautiful sorbetto lay in wait... Years of marketing and preparation suited her well...  Cursivey script letters, punctuated the glistening frozen paradise... Her Roman Raspberry innards, calling me like a siren...  tempting me with the promise of luscious dark pink kisses...  Ecstasy was available for only $4.99 (no coupon required!)... I have to say it did give me pause... 

So I held my new found temptation in my hand...  Gently caressing it as I turned to read its label... and there like so many other romances - little distortions became big lies...  Yes, there was not an ounce of fat in there...  Perfect in a way...  But what lurked underneath that - that too too sweet sugary pulp... 25 grams too much of it - I'd say...

Like a new lover scorned, my temptress continued her onslaught...  clouding my mind with temporal pleasures and a desperate need to sell before her expiration date...  With passionate plees, she called to me, reached out to me, frozen in my hand...  A thin layer of frost, the harbinger of what was to come, began our painful seperation...  and for a moment she had me, till I began to wonder,  "What is dextrose and why is it in here?"

 "Cruel, cruel world," she seemed to say... as her angry barcode glared at me...

How sad I thought, perhaps just a taste, a hint of support, but I know myself much better than that...  "I must resist" is all I thought...  and with trembling hand I put down my very scarlet lettered lover and walked away, alone, but glad to have those sweet memories of moments gone by...

... and then along came Barbie

*******   I could not resist the music - LOL

So, I think that it is more than appropriate in honor of Ken, as in Barbie and Ken, turning 50 that I had a run in this morning with a real life Barbie…

Now training at my gym is a serious subject for me…  I am not terribly friendly at my gym, I view it as work and “me” time…  My routines as described here are not for the faint of heart, and it takes a lot of concentration and determination to continue moving forward…  With that said I think you will agree I am not out for any social aspect of the gym…

Well today I was doing intermediate planks…  A quick explanation, a plank is when you rest on your forearms in a push up position for as long as you can… it is a core exercise… intermediate planks are when you do the same thing except your arms are resting on a very wily yoga ball…  in other words your core has to be pretty strong in order to do the exercise and NOT fall off the ball…

Now I think you can imagine that this, like all exercise, requires concentration…  I am trying desperately not to fall off the ball…  So you can imagine my surprise when from behind me I hear a high pitch voice and a gum snap, saying, “You’re doing that wrong…” 

Now I thought for a moment that I might be hearing things but I heard another gum snap, the same words and then out of the corner of my eye I saw the bedazzled pink leg warmer of a potential new menace in my life…  Barbie…

For the record, I would normally welcome criticism…  In fact, I probably would appreciate finding out the “right way” to do something – but it was that tone in her voice…  I think you know what I mean…  that tone that sorta tells you, “ I’m right and you're wrong”,  without even room for explanation…  Perhaps I’m just sensitive but trust me when I say this – this was no supportive or constructive assist – I was an easy target for this Mattel wannabe…

Literally standing before me was a living Barbie doll, sweat band included…  Blonde hair in a ponytail, a very form fitting pink and rainbow combo spandex outfit and sneakers I am sure actually light up when she walks…  I must have looked quizzical to elicit yet another gum snap…  All I kept thinking was how does she fit in that dream house of hers?  She had an abundance of confidence and clearly a following at the gym…  Lots of the himbos were checking her out…  but I was the “lucky” one she was addressing….

She went ahead and stationed herself in front of me…  She said, “If you keep doing that you’re gonna hurt yourself”, gum snap and chew, chew and more chew…

It is rare that I am in the presence of a living cliché…  All she needed to add to her repertoire was a couple of, “Like Oh my Gods” and boom – I would have been transported back in time about 20 years…  But with a clear plastic resolve – she owned what she was – and strangely I appreciated that…

I said to her, “Well, this is how I was taught how to do it, by one of the trainers here…  You know this is the intermediate plank…” 

More vapid than Sarah Brightman in Phantom of the Opera, I just  felt the icy gaze of disapproval… I have to say at this point I noticed her chewing was quite impressive…  She actually seemed to be a circular chewer…  For someone who prides themselves on their looks – this chewing thing of hers was really out of sorts…  It kinda mangled her face into these grotesque poses as she chewed and snapped her way through “listening” to me…

She countered, “Well they don’t know what they are doing… Doing that exercise on a ball is almost impossible, I should know I use to be a trainer…” and then back to the gum snaps and the chews… 

So at this point I am a little suspect as to the veracity of her claim…  I’m thinking to myself ,  “I doubt that this could be wrong… I spent a lot of time learning how to do this and I had a trainer with me the whole time… and when is she gonna stop chewing like a cow?” 

Her headband seemed to tighten as she scowled at me, I guess for not budging to her whim…  In fact, her entire body seemed angry that I wasn’t kowtowing to her wishes…  Clearly, she is use to getting what she wants…

I started to get mad…

I said to her, “Well how would you do it?”

And then she said it, “Well if you’re gonna be an idiot about it… why should I even bother to show you how to do a push up correctly… “

For a moment I froze…  Was it entirely possible that Barbie did not hear me?  Did her plastic ears miss a beat?  Or was it all that chewing?

Anyway, Barbie got fed up and walked away… snapping her gum in her wake as she entered deep into himbo territory for some solace.  I heard her say to a very muscled himbo, “That jerk dosen't know how to do a push up… look…”  The himbo replied, “Idiot…” Even their laugh was fake and then off together they went upstairs…  perhaps Skipper was waiting up there for them...

I paused for a minute or two, reflected on what had just happened...  I realized she was one of the many people we encounter in life who don’t care to listen or understand, or more importantly was ill informed and made decisions based on the wrong concept...  Whatever it was I was clear, never going to change that - no matter how hard I could have tried, and proceeded to do the best set of intermediate planks I had ever done.

Art and Life...

When was the last time you were moved by art?

More importantly, when was the last time you stopped and appreciated it?

We live in a world surrounded by art... and yet when was the last time you took the time, for yourself might I add, to experience it?


So I have the utmost repect for artists...  whether it is my friends in theatre, or my friends in other media...  The actual craft of what we do, is something that should be celebrated more...  This weekend I have had the pleasure of witnessing not one but two great artistic endeavors...

First off, please check out the link below.  Eric Enright is a talented artist, whose grasp of his media can make anyone appreciate it...  I encourage all of you out there to take a few minutes and look at his latest project...

http://www.365daysofprint.com/category/march-artist/eric-enright/

Secondly, I have never been so proud of my friend Maria Wheeler, till I saw her production last night...  Now, I knew Maria 15 years ago and when we last left her she played Velma Kelly in a production of Chicago, that truly was amazing, for a college troupe might I add...  Maria's love for her craft is evident and the fact that not only does she teach it, but fosters love for the art is something I find so admirable...  the link below is from our local paper and explains it far better than I do...

http://www.northjersey.com/news/117817778_Middle_school_students_are_ready_to_take_stage_in_musicals.html

Either way I hope you can take a few minutes and share in the joys of art this weekend...  To the Artists - Bravo to the Audience the same...  Please make art a smidge more of your life - it's worth it...

Ok - its pop quiz time

Ever wonder what your EQ is?

Emotional Intelligence, or EI, describes an ability or capacity to perceive, assess, and manage the emotions of one's self, and of others.  Our EQ, or Emotional Quotient, is how one measures Emotional Intelligence. 

Emotions have the potential to get in the way of our most important business and personal relationships. According to John Kotter of Harvard Business School: “Because of the furious pace of change in business today, difficult to manage relationships sabotage more business than anything else - it is not a question of strategy that gets us into trouble; it is a question of emotions.”

Take the test...  I scored a 56

http://www.ihhp.com/quiz.php

Shout Outs...

Two quick shout outs...

1) Happy Birthday Kelly - I hope you are having a great day...

2) To my dear cousin Donna - thanks for having a quick 4 hour lunch with me today.... it was fab as always...  (And blog family Im gonna need your help convincing my cousin to be a guest writer on this...)

Higher ground - 10 days in review...

So I have been sick...  I think everyone can tell...  the blog here goes radio silent...  I had, twice might I add, whatever is going around - high fever for days followed by all these flu like symptoms...  it knocks you out for a while, me something like 7 days - that's like an eternity if you ask me....  but when you are bed ridden for days your mind tends to take you to higher ground...  moving your psyche away from the physical situations at hand and affords you the luxuary to watch, think and observe...  From a my lofty perch;

• I have been amazed at what's going on in our world, nature's fury and man made problems all rolled up into a perfect storm of destruction.  I have watched people who have been left with nothing have more grace and dignity then people I know who have everything and then some...

• I managed to rally when I needed it most and pull off something (we will explore it in a blog all by itself) that a small bunch of harpy-like nay sayers had me not able to do (and yes I was sick on top of it!) I want to thank them briefly for allowing me the opportunity to prove them wrong - again!  I guess people haven't learned I like a good challenge...

• I saw incredible beauty at the New York Botanical Gardens Orchid show and was amazed by the magic of Mary Poppins (yes you heard me correctly).

So to all of you whom I own emails and return calls, please understand why its been so hard to get me of late....

I have a himbo update in the works, a true gym update as well and posts, lots of posts (what else do you do when you are forced to stay in bed all day?) so the blog is back up in earnest!


Finally, today - even if it is for a moment - please join me, like so many others in sending your thoughts and prayers to the people of Japan...

Ides of March - Parano style

Hey there... miss me?

I know a few of you might wonder why I have been silent over the last few days...  Normally, since starting this a little over a month and a half ago, I have been pretty reliable when it comes to posts...  Adept friends, that you are, you might have sensed that major events have been taken place - hence my lack of usually verbal ferocity (LOL!) And if you have guessed that congratulations, you are correct...

You see, a major piece of the genesis of all of the changes in me challenged me this week...  You know, those intense moments before the finish line... the do or die moments... well one of them (there are 2, FYI) decided to have me face-it-off with the yet described incidents that drive my writing...  and while I know it seems very cloak and dagger of me to keep this so close to the vest - please trust me when I say stay tuned, because the payoff will be greater for all of us...

I am amazed at how people react... I mean people that you know for years, that represent major pieces of your life, tend to become your greatest adversaries when left unchecked...  or challenged...  or both...  Not to say that you can't exhibit frustration or even anger but really what is the purpose of those emotions if they prohibit you from functioning to get through a rough patch...  I find it illogical (I know how Spock of me)

I am a fixer, I have been all my life...  For whatever reason, I am always prepared to handle crisis...  And sometimes I find myself moving into the middle of one - because I guess I know I can handle it...  Now that may sound great or noble, but let me give you an inside tip...  its not...  A lot of my day sometimes is spent prepping for those "in case of emergency" moments... and while I am lucky that I can divorce my emotions from the situation at hand, I am also paying the price by constantly being on guard and ready... its exhausting...

Without going into detail, let's just say that I had to call up all of my reserves this week and basically only functioned in the problem that I was facing...  I have not done that in quite a long time...  All energy that I could give it, I did and I am proud that I always have a plan B... and so now I'm working on plan B and a plan B for plan B (you see where this gets tricky?)

Anyhow, I believe my writing will be coming back in earnest very shortly - a preview includes another foray into the elusive world of himbos and some mayhem of cosmic portions...

Stay tuned

D

 

Well sometimes doesn't this sum up life...

These mice above are a great example of how I feel sometimes...

Running around and around in a big circle...  Don't we all feel that way... 

Perhaps its the emergence of spring, or those tense moments we all don't like to have that make it all the more evident that sometimes we are just spinning our wheels.  I have done a lot of wheel busting or derailing (your choice of word) lately in trying to stop spinning my wheels and have had great success...  However, as with life some wheels are larger than others... 

I find if I am allowed to think it through and not feel pressured for an answer, there is always a way...  I believe that...  I explained to a few people I have learned that "NO" is truly not an answer.  You just have to dig in and figure things out...  Hard work really does pay off and no matter what you can control your destiny... Hell, I'm living proof these days...

What gets me is the emotions that are conjured up... people when pressured are usually at their worst...  I have a job and some what of a life that does not allow me that luxury.  I believe in helping people, finding solutions and trying NOT to disappoint anyone... oh wait, there is one person who I disappoint, myself...  You see for far too long I have moved everything in front of my needs and now I am starting to realize the price I paid...  so now I am working on righting a lot of wrongs that I have done to me...  but also still stick to my mantra of helping people not hindering...

In parts of my life, I am really almost there - just mere steps away from freeing myself of the big wheels that have haunted me of late...  I can feel them going down, I just have to figure out a few more steps...  I am rallying all my strength (though part of that is zapped from the INTENSE workouts I'm doing - LOL - I will be blogging about that tomorrow) and I know I will get there - one way or another...  when I get through this last hurdle, a darker part of my life will close, something I have been wanting and needing for a long time...

So if you run into me in the next few days and I seem perplexed or distant... know that I am just spinning the wheels in my head to figure out how to stop spinning the wheels of my life...