The Newer Rebel Alliance

Well true believers - and I am honored that there are a few of you out there... I think today I want to talk about my inner rebel...  You know that voice in all of our heads that spurs on sometimes, wisely or not, to kick up the dust and move in our own direction or make the situation ours...  It's like those classic Warner Bros cartoons where an angelic and demonic tiny version of you - all garbed up in the appropriate outfit of course - sits on your shoulder and directs you...  Every so often the less appropriate side has to take a turn...

Now a lot of you know I am no stranger at being a rebel...  I have more "scars" than most from supporting my various rebel causes but I realized after a wonderful conversation this afternoon, I am not really allowing the inner rebel in me out all that often.  Or am I?  And questioning if I am or not is a sign that the far to long emotional trauma I have been going through might be at a tipping point... and that is welcome news. 

Case in point - how I look - I don't have a signature style nor am I a model but I try to be a little less run of the mill... perhaps I am gonna amp that up a notch - cut my hair shorter or maybe have none at all (I am losing it after all - LOL) and find a few more edgy duds... that certainly will contribute to a more outwardly rebellious brand new Dave... but what about the landscape inside? 

The song "Like it or Not" might sum up where I am these days -

You can call me a sinner
You can call me a saint
Celebrate me for who I am
Dislike me for what I ain't

Put me up on a pedestal
Or drag me down in the dirt
Sticks and stones will break my bones
But your names will never hurt...

This is who I am
You can
Like it or not
You can
Love me or leave me
Cus I'm never gonna stop
No no

For far to long I have been afraid to take some chances in my life.  I think that most of us are.  Oh sure, I can boast about the chances I take at the gym these days - but could I boast that I am at pace on the inside too.  In my case, I am proud to say yes! 

This blog is perhaps one of the more daring things I have ever done - boring you all with tales of my psyche...  and an occasional traffic/gym/et al update.  But think about it - I am someone who normally would NOT put out this type of info - especially about how I feel - into the main stream.  But something within me is different now... 

I wrote recently that my friends and family are like beacons to me in the night...  I look for them and they give me the comfort and the drive to carry on...  Is it so crazy to want to acknowledge where I'm at in the world...  For those of us who survive emotional traumas - and we all know who we are - I think you will agree it is better not to be silent but to show others that you can and will survive and with just a hint of determination you can overcome the odds that you thought you'd never get through...  Cue the Chariots of Fire music right?

A friend who I highly respect (notice I have omitted the names of the innocent here - lol) asked me if I was afraid that less then honorable people would try to use this blog against me...  After all, let's face facts, putting yourself out there in this way can lead to all sorts of trouble.  My response was simple...  "let 'em...  if anyone wants to have an honest discussion about anything I post, I welcome it."  I have worked far to long to come to where I am these days...  and I will defend myself if I have to - so I guess that's my way of posting a warning to those who want to use my words against me or better yet, Josephine Hart's book Damage might sum it up best to all those who would defame me...  "Damaged people are dangerous. They know they can survive."

Now I know that mood drop a few degrees in that last paragraph...  but it is important to understand.  Writing my thoughts is therapeutic for me and also gives me an avenue of expression that I have longed to have.  For those of you who knew me in my ancient times (20 years ago or so - when I was using and apple IIc no less) I use to write a lot of poetry and essays - but like oh so many of us - those crafts get put to the side...  Upon rediscovering my inner rebel - hiding in a corner I might add - I was determined to get my writing chops back...  so we can dispel any other mythology as to the genesis of this blog...

So what about you all?  Have you done a status check on that rebellious side of yours....  Now I am not suggesting a crime spree or an ill fated or fitted La Crioux - but have you dusted it up recently?  Perhaps a group of us inner rebel revelers could form a merry band and take the world by storm.