Ok so I have been gone for a bit.... and I am honored a lot of you asked me what was going on... well the short answer is a good one - let's just say I took up a new hobby - emotional mountain climbing.
Now this is not a game where you get really upset and physically climb up a mountain (in some respects that would be too easy), nor is it where you insert jokes about goatherds or yodelers, no this is where you scale your inner Everest, climb through your emotions and look out at yourself on peaks of new awareness... and scaling I have been.
Now, it has been a tumultuous month for me and I think I have been handling things in stride. But there has been something missing. My usually pretty powerful internal drive has been a bit dormant. It's functioning - but only recently did I realize I had shifted gears - and don't read in too much to that - it just means instead of having 100 things on my plate I was hovering at 90...
So with emotional gear in hand, I proceeded to go up an undiscovered mountain...
If I had to give this mountain a name it would be something along the lines of the Great Sorting Mountain chain and I was climbing the biggest and highest of them, the Great Mount of Past Reconciliation.
As I see this mountain, it's filled with crags and cracks, slopes and peaks, channels cutting through it AND boy is it dangerous... It's color obsidian and the weather (well let's just say you can't see the top) is always cloudy and rainy (just like New Jersey in late April and early May). Basically, it is imposing.
With all my mental abilities ready (just like my physical trainer, I have a great therapist too!) I set out on my mission. As I began the climb all I knew was I was very determined to get to the bottom of what has been "missing" recently...
Base camp for this expedition proved to be key... finding the right spot to feel safe did require a lot more surveying than expected... Emotions are always so unpredictable and unstable. I can now say with great authority that I knew exactly the reserves I need to call on and picked the right place and the right memories to operate from.
So with more confidence - knowing I had a base - I continued my ascent...
This mountain was high, for what I thought was a few days to conquer quickly became a few weeks... You see, with the fiendish slowness of time, I had to recognize this great mountain required me to acknowledge my past, honor it, respect it and understand it before it would lift its foggy veil and let me pass through the summit onto its peak. That my friends is no easy feat.
My break came as I was packing away physical things and their memories. The act of putting things where they belong or to return them to their owner was the most therapeutic thing I could do. As soon as I started I became more aware and as I completed my task - I had a revelation. The more I physically packed things away - the more emotionally I did too.
The lesson learned was instead of getting angry, or hating the thing or memory, I simply acknowledged that it's a time gone by and my ire was false at that object, my ire was at the situation that caused me to have to put it away.
Upon that, the clouds did give away... and what I sight I saw... I guess it's my version of Shangri-La. I can see its peak and the bright lights and future it holds...
So as I scale this now not too bleak mountain - and it might be awhile before I get to the top - I acknowledge my past for what it is - I take comfort in knowing my base camp - people like you who are reading this - is the safest place to begin your ascent to your dreams...
THE BLOG IS BACK AND WILL CONTINUE...
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