Salad Bar Superhero

As you well know I am a devotee of my local Whole Foods - in fact I am there so frequently that I have quite a few friends who work there and generally it's a wonderful experience - even encountering the "Pouf" (see my story about Hangry Himbos in February) has never deterred me from going - nor will this story but it is "interesting"...

The other day I was perusing the hot and cold salad bar - there are wondrous foods there, everything from cranberry couscous (a personal favorite) to pineapple fried rice.  It's just the way I like it, you simply grab your food container and pile in as much as you would like and enjoy. 

I always start at the hot section - for no other reasons than to start...  And as I was debating whether or not to have some Sicilian Cauliflower, I noticed a commotion at the other end of the cold salad bar...  A woman, we'll call her "the scrambler" appears to be replicating the moves the Tasmanian devil made as he whirred to life in all those Bugs Bunny cartoons.

Through a wind storm of Romaine lettuce, you could hear a high pitch voice saying, "Oh my God...", "I can't believe this" and "What am I gonna do?"...  People, including myself cautiously approach the vegetable maelstrom to see what was the matter...  for a moment it all stopped with a loud thud, a sound we all recognized as flesh thumping metal, "I got it...", the scrambler shouted and then just as suddenly, "It's an onion - damn..."

Within a split second, with the romaine lettuce scattered about the floor, the micro-greens picked up where the unfortunate lettuce left off and began flying about ...  this was less whirlwindy and more digging, clearing if you will, with the poor baby greens flying out from there protective container...

The scrambler was petite in a pastel sweater and jeans...  Her brownish/blondish/reddish hair, pulled back into a long pony tail, gave way to very delicate features...  She actually looked like one of those statues that represents the seasons, with lettuce leafs sticking out of her hair at odd angles, the remenents of her self powered storm...

So of course, I have to ask... "Excuse me, is everything ok?"

She replies (alfalfa sprouts coming out of her knuckles - I might add) , "Does it look like everything's ok?"  In fairness, I would probably have said that too... "I have lost a ring...  I need to find it... I was only at this section and it has to be here..."

At this point I think that Candid Camera is gonna pop out and yell surprise...  I start thinking to myself, "Doesn't this happen only on TV?  Wasn't this a Designing Women's Episode...  Whoa wait a minute, why do I remember it was a Designing Women's Episode?  I'm pretty hungry...  Focus Dave, damn it, focus... Hmmmmm...."

After Scrambzilla decimated the greens section she set her sights on the onions, apparently the ring was a bluey/purpley gem stone and maybe it got mixed in there... 

By this point the Whole Foods Salad Bar Police showed up in earnest...  and with precision that only can be described as, "they must drill for these sorts of events", a mob of people are now completely rifling through the "make your own salad" part of the salad bar...

As I stepped away, slowly might I add, I went to continue getting more hot food... and as I walked by all the food containers - what do I see - a bluish/purplish ring glistening from between the small and large containers... Seems the scrambler must have taken it off to get a box...  Weird but whatever... The ring was quite beautiful, perhaps an antique and glistened in the light...

With chest puffed out and ring between two fingers, I strode to the Scrambler and presented my find...  The Green Goddess of Whole Foods let out a shriek that changed the migratory pattern of a few birds.. and I was hugged as I deposited the ring back to her hands...  Lots of smiles were on hand as the Whole Foods Police not only scrubbed the scene of the crime but eerily had it all reset in a matter of minutes...

The scambler became a blur in the store...  seems she high tailed it right out the door upon the find...  So feeling good about myself, I decided to have the Sicilian Cauliflower and relish in victory...