You've Got the Power...

Hey Everyone - I know that the blog has been down for a while, but that's all about to change...  I have been working overtime on new ideas and starting next week, A Brand New Dave will be back up and running...

However, before the new posts start hitting let me remind you that this Tuesday is Election Day and I am urging you to VOTE!  Now I am not going to tell you how to vote, but I encourage you to do so because it is one of our most basic rights...  The polls are open from 6 a.m. to 8 p.m. on Tuesday and if you need help figuring out where to vote - just ask me...

Also click below for my appearance on the My 9 news program...

My 9 appearance

ONWARD!

Dave

And above all else don't drop the queen...

So true believers I have survived my first show in about 15 years... It's funny that one of the only things that has changed for me is that my confidence level was a little bit higher (not much but higher) now then what it was way back then.... I guess life will do that to anyone...

  

So I think a top 10 is in order to properly recall my experiences at the Winter's Tale...

 

10 - wearing a toga is not as easy as it looks - especially if you have to climb a rock, while holding a lit candle in a lantern and attempting to act solemn and graceful as you try and hit your mark...

9 - the art of Shakespearian Shepard dancing requires the rare combination of grapevining, hand clasping and the occasional hop... All while getting prepped to carry a 12 foot Maypole 50' off stage while dancing down hill...

8 - there are no small parts just small actors - if you are cast as multiple parts embrace your inner voices....

7 - bugs are not a delicious protein especially when flying directly into your mouth as you are speaking during a performance...

6 - when volunteering to do a dead lift of a fellow actor it is imperative to make sure that you body mike is shut down to mask the occasional grunt, groan or curse word...

5 - great audiences are manna from the heavens - great friends make great audiences...

4 - a very round hat on a very windy day equals Shakespeare vs Aliens

3 - to properly flub a line from Shakespeare simply add an "ay my lord", a "dispatch your attendants" or my personal favorite "sleepy drinks" to an old English line and say it with great authority...

2 - directors should director and no body else...

1 - above all else DO NOT DROP THE QUEEN - ok it only happen once....

Seriously I had an unbelievably incredible time doing this - to the talent cast and crew - thank you for your generosity... To the production team a superb showing and to Mary Clifford our director - thank you for reminding me why I love theatre and continuing to inspire me for all these many years (20 right?) and proving to me it's about how you tell your story...

 

ONWARD!

The announcement...

So...

I'm oddly nervous about what I am about to tell you... Not in a bad way or a good... I mean after all I have put out on this blog a lot of personal stuff... But this is deeply deeply personal...

Well here goes...

I am proud to announce that I have joined a wonderful cast of Shakespeare's "The Winters Tale" being directed by my friend Mary Clifford...

The production is for the last two weeks of July...

I encourage you to come, it's gonna be a fantastic show... Bring a chair or a blanket, bring a nice bottle of wine and food and enjoy a beautiful evening on our stage on the lake...

For more details please visit http://www.theillustrioustheatre.org/ for more details...

Dave-volution: Dave 3.0

So boy have I been quite...  really quite...  so much so that a lot of you have inquired...

Well I keep saying I'm back but - this time I am...

You see, I have been gearing up as it were...  building up my strength and stamina for new adventures, and new ideas and pushing the envelope in new ways...

I am confident that you all will see the changes too...

For the first time in my life, I feel very aware of my surroundings and very in control...  To quote Janet Jackson, "... and I like it..." 

Literally I feel like I am finally shaking all the bad that has surrounded me, trapped me and controlled me for so long, - wrestling with your own demons can be a hassle, but you can win - I am living proof... so yes I have new(er) hair - its shorter than before, I have less body fat and I have the best attitude I can...

Now, what about you?  All of you out there... I want to hear from you too...  Also around 4:30 look for a major announcement from me...  its something none of you will expect...

Stay tuned!

Dave

The spark

Well look who's back posting...thats probably what you're thinking. Or maybe not...yeah I've been a bit quite these days...but all that has changed.

I think that I have been quite too long.  A self imposed introspection seemed to take over for a while...  I needed to deal with some issues but my creative spark is back...

I have a whole bunch of topics to observe and catch you up on some of your favorites (himbos anyone?) and some new people I've encountered including my friendly neighborhood sociopath...

So as always thank you and more importantly stay tuned...

Salad Bar Superhero

As you well know I am a devotee of my local Whole Foods - in fact I am there so frequently that I have quite a few friends who work there and generally it's a wonderful experience - even encountering the "Pouf" (see my story about Hangry Himbos in February) has never deterred me from going - nor will this story but it is "interesting"...

The other day I was perusing the hot and cold salad bar - there are wondrous foods there, everything from cranberry couscous (a personal favorite) to pineapple fried rice.  It's just the way I like it, you simply grab your food container and pile in as much as you would like and enjoy. 

I always start at the hot section - for no other reasons than to start...  And as I was debating whether or not to have some Sicilian Cauliflower, I noticed a commotion at the other end of the cold salad bar...  A woman, we'll call her "the scrambler" appears to be replicating the moves the Tasmanian devil made as he whirred to life in all those Bugs Bunny cartoons.

Through a wind storm of Romaine lettuce, you could hear a high pitch voice saying, "Oh my God...", "I can't believe this" and "What am I gonna do?"...  People, including myself cautiously approach the vegetable maelstrom to see what was the matter...  for a moment it all stopped with a loud thud, a sound we all recognized as flesh thumping metal, "I got it...", the scrambler shouted and then just as suddenly, "It's an onion - damn..."

Within a split second, with the romaine lettuce scattered about the floor, the micro-greens picked up where the unfortunate lettuce left off and began flying about ...  this was less whirlwindy and more digging, clearing if you will, with the poor baby greens flying out from there protective container...

The scrambler was petite in a pastel sweater and jeans...  Her brownish/blondish/reddish hair, pulled back into a long pony tail, gave way to very delicate features...  She actually looked like one of those statues that represents the seasons, with lettuce leafs sticking out of her hair at odd angles, the remenents of her self powered storm...

So of course, I have to ask... "Excuse me, is everything ok?"

She replies (alfalfa sprouts coming out of her knuckles - I might add) , "Does it look like everything's ok?"  In fairness, I would probably have said that too... "I have lost a ring...  I need to find it... I was only at this section and it has to be here..."

At this point I think that Candid Camera is gonna pop out and yell surprise...  I start thinking to myself, "Doesn't this happen only on TV?  Wasn't this a Designing Women's Episode...  Whoa wait a minute, why do I remember it was a Designing Women's Episode?  I'm pretty hungry...  Focus Dave, damn it, focus... Hmmmmm...."

After Scrambzilla decimated the greens section she set her sights on the onions, apparently the ring was a bluey/purpley gem stone and maybe it got mixed in there... 

By this point the Whole Foods Salad Bar Police showed up in earnest...  and with precision that only can be described as, "they must drill for these sorts of events", a mob of people are now completely rifling through the "make your own salad" part of the salad bar...

As I stepped away, slowly might I add, I went to continue getting more hot food... and as I walked by all the food containers - what do I see - a bluish/purplish ring glistening from between the small and large containers... Seems the scrambler must have taken it off to get a box...  Weird but whatever... The ring was quite beautiful, perhaps an antique and glistened in the light...

With chest puffed out and ring between two fingers, I strode to the Scrambler and presented my find...  The Green Goddess of Whole Foods let out a shriek that changed the migratory pattern of a few birds.. and I was hugged as I deposited the ring back to her hands...  Lots of smiles were on hand as the Whole Foods Police not only scrubbed the scene of the crime but eerily had it all reset in a matter of minutes...

The scambler became a blur in the store...  seems she high tailed it right out the door upon the find...  So feeling good about myself, I decided to have the Sicilian Cauliflower and relish in victory...

Scaling my inner Everest

Ok so I have been gone for a bit.... and I am honored a lot of you asked me what was going on... well the short answer is a good one - let's just say I took up a new hobby - emotional mountain climbing.

Now this is not a game where you get really upset and physically climb up a mountain (in some respects that would be too easy), nor is it where you insert jokes about goatherds or yodelers, no this is where you scale your inner Everest, climb through your emotions and look out at yourself on peaks of new awareness... and scaling I have been.

Now, it has been a tumultuous month for me and I think I have been handling things in stride. But there has been something missing. My usually pretty powerful internal drive has been a bit dormant. It's functioning - but only recently did I realize I had shifted gears - and don't read in too much to that - it just means instead of having 100 things on my plate I was hovering at 90...

So with emotional gear in hand, I proceeded to go up an undiscovered mountain...

If I had to give this mountain a name it would be something along the lines of the Great Sorting Mountain chain and I was climbing the biggest and highest of them, the Great Mount of Past Reconciliation.

As I see this mountain, it's filled with crags and cracks, slopes and peaks, channels cutting through it AND boy is it dangerous... It's color obsidian and the weather (well let's just say you can't see the top) is always cloudy and rainy (just like New Jersey in late April and early May). Basically, it is imposing.

With all my mental abilities ready (just like my physical trainer, I have a great therapist too!) I set out on my mission. As I began the climb all I knew was I was very determined to get to the bottom of what has been "missing" recently...

Base camp for this expedition proved to be key... finding the right spot to feel safe did require a lot more surveying than expected... Emotions are always so unpredictable and unstable. I can now say with great authority that I knew exactly the reserves I need to call on and picked the right place and the right memories to operate from.

So with more confidence - knowing I had a base - I continued my ascent...

This mountain was high, for what I thought was a few days to conquer quickly became a few weeks... You see, with the fiendish slowness of time, I had to recognize this great mountain required me to acknowledge my past, honor it, respect it and understand it before it would lift its foggy veil and let me pass through the summit onto its peak. That my friends is no easy feat.

My break came as I was packing away physical things and their memories. The act of putting things where they belong or to return them to their owner was the most therapeutic thing I could do. As soon as I started I became more aware and as I completed my task - I had a revelation. The more I physically packed things away - the more emotionally I did too.

The lesson learned was instead of getting angry, or hating the thing or memory, I simply acknowledged that it's a time gone by and my ire was false at that object, my ire was at the situation that caused me to have to put it away.

Upon that, the clouds did give away... and what I sight I saw... I guess it's my version of Shangri-La. I can see its peak and the bright lights and future it holds...

So as I scale this now not too bleak mountain - and it might be awhile before I get to the top - I acknowledge my past for what it is - I take comfort in knowing my base camp - people like you who are reading this - is the safest place to begin your ascent to your dreams...

THE BLOG IS BACK AND WILL CONTINUE...

The Man in the Mirror

So my house is full of mirrors - and no not for the "you look fab..." reason.  I am lucky enough to have a house filled with light and it just further brightens it...  Well today as I slogged my way to human status I walked by one of the mirrors and I was astonished at what I saw...  Staring back at me was a man I have only recently met.

Now you can call it a shameless plug, or that uneasiness of entering a new decade today, but for maybe the first time in my life I did not recoil at the image cast back at me.  And I still looked a little sleepy - FYI.  Granted its one part excellent therapy and another part the tremendous outpouring of support I have received of late, but I would like to say it felt - well - good.  I hesitate because this is truly unexplored territory.

So what does all that mean - I mean come on - Dave looks at himself in the mirror and he's ok - big deal? -my friends that is tremendous - in so many ways - but mostly it shows me there is progress!  Imagine if you will 39 years of feeling blah or mediocre... not because the world said so, but because you - by yourself -thought it.   Of course there have been defining moments, recognitions and acknowledgements but nothing that to you personally ever have stood out!  And of all days for it to happen, today, maybe because I have had "me" on my mind - or maybe because I truly believe in signs from whatever its we gets signs from...  Either way was the cosmos signaling the beginning of something new?

Choose your favorite religion or mythology and they all talk about us being connected - well I certainly believe that's true...  I have seen first hand the power of prayer - I have seen first hand the power of faith and I have seen first hand the most miraculous things happen in everyday life.  But when something big happens to you - well you're never prepared for it... the immediacy of it - its rush...

It happen today for me, all by a glance in a mirror - simple... the way I like it.  I could think of nothing worse then getting a sign oh say in the produce aisle or perhaps right before disaster struck... Now I know that part of this sounds hokey - and no I am not stumping for an energy drink or a fitness regime - but come on everyone - isn't it time that we lift at least a few of the veils? 

Here's why I think we are all connected:

• You can not EVER tell me that things don't happen for a reason - my life and its trajectory could be living proof of some sort of grand scheme (questionable on grand - but always high on comedy)  - but dosen't everyone feel that way?  I have those moments where I just stop for a second and revel in where I am at, what I am doing, who is doing it with me, but there in those moments, I can feel something... (boy you can interpert that in many ways - LOL)

• I have a team of friends (I lovingly call them my co-conspirators) who literally have shocked me back into life - with words and encouragement and actions that have ingrained themselves in my being...  Those indelible marks prove to me that people can rise up - against the odds - stand up and be counted - and help people with a ferocity, tenacity and drive that makes them all heroes in my book... and proves that we are all connected...

• I love that I get to see the good side of people and even more so the most excellent side of people because it drives me to be a better person...  the only way we ever get to see these feats is by - say it with me - being connected...

• I like that I have muses (whom now I get cornered at public events to "out" who they are - well five of nine know they are in the pantheon - but ever sly I won't tell them which one they are) and their source of inspiration is incredible - but all because I connect to them in a mighty big way...

• Finally I feel the vibe - you know the one - when again for a moment of two its like everything stands still and you and a person or people are in the moment and nothing else matters - I take that as a sign and a connection - and I am grateful that I share that with all of you...

So yes, I am a big puddle of love right now (take that ANY WAY you want)...but remember this kids - A BRAND NEW DAVE is in charge - not that old sad one - a much improved, much happier, much more playful, much more verbose (hard to believe!) and much more loved Dave Parano is here to stay - and that's because of you!  I truly will never forget those who stood by me and mark my words (I keep threatening this - I know) we are all rising up - together - to a much better state of being... (those of you who think you're gonna be kicking and screaming on the way up let me remind you my muses are pretty tough...)

THE PITHINESS OF THE BLOG RESUMES TOMORROW - till then Carpe Diem - stop for a moment and like me revel in this great connection!

Anagram

***  Ok kids let's play a game...  What the hell am I really saying?

Yoga Plant Fume
Of How Wink You
Did Serve Molly
Piano Printer
He Truth Knot Two

Looking forward to answers...

A Warning of Words

"Words are birds with fragile wings and swords for lords and fearful kings"

So I think I am a little fed up tonight...  I'm not feeling my wry little self today... Now this is not a normal post of mine, and though I exercise great restrain on this blog... I figure I am allow to vent once in a while...

So everything you read here is boiled down to one common denominator... that is... everything is simply words...  These are well place and thought out words that elicit emotions and hopefully make all of you think, or laugh, or pause or something and that's that.... the goal is to make you feel...

I haven't been "feeling" in a while... the yet to be documented series of events that got me to this place, left me temporarily without the ability to "feel"...  Just know that I suffered major emotional traumas along the way....  but here I am, deciding that the best way to deal with my demons, is to expose them for all to see....  Crazy or stupid or brave - you can make your own choice...

You see I firmly believe we are put on this earth to be examples of what our collective potential is...  So truly, why not make lemonade out of lemons?  Is it so wrong to write about experiences and feelings.  It certainly has been done before...  My favorite book is the Great Gatsby, and I admire each and every word written in it - for its placement, thought and emotion... It is witnessing a great feat of literary architecture...  But I doubt F. Scott Fitzgerald worried about someone interpreting his book the wrong way...

If you see a truth in you or someone you know, because I have written something, that is simply your experience, and I hope its a good one... perhaps, if its bad, you need to know it is not even my intention... Several people have taken this to a greater level and have shall we say exposed themselves by making words personal that weren't even meant for them...  In fact, it is almost insulting that these people are so desperate to make themselves relevant that they dream up scenarios that force my words to try and fit their situations...  it isn't always about them - I'm sad to say...

This is a risky game I play and I gladly play it because I enjoy it and I hope I give back something to anyone who reads this - plain and simple...  I struggle with being heard all the time...  By writing things - at least in these situations - I feel I have a fighting chance...  Every response I get from you all, and there a lot of you, gives me encouragement...  

You know that several people have sent me messages really identifying with these words...  Whether its my struggles with my appearance, weight or emotions it is nice to know that I am not alone...  I am not trying to be the Lifetime movie of the week but I really love hearing back from you... I am honored that people are moved, sometimes angered but always respectful - at least most of the time - when they try to convey their experience with me.

I leave you with this, please know that I truly appreciate everyone who is taking this journey with me...  and while my posts have been sporadic this month - I am promising you bigger and better things to come...

THANK YOU ONE AND ALL!

Monster in the Freezer Case

So I believe I just saw a monster...  in the freezer case of Whole Foods no less...

Sitting in a clear jar, toying with my emotions, the beautiful sorbetto lay in wait... Years of marketing and preparation suited her well...  Cursivey script letters, punctuated the glistening frozen paradise... Her Roman Raspberry innards, calling me like a siren...  tempting me with the promise of luscious dark pink kisses...  Ecstasy was available for only $4.99 (no coupon required!)... I have to say it did give me pause... 

So I held my new found temptation in my hand...  Gently caressing it as I turned to read its label... and there like so many other romances - little distortions became big lies...  Yes, there was not an ounce of fat in there...  Perfect in a way...  But what lurked underneath that - that too too sweet sugary pulp... 25 grams too much of it - I'd say...

Like a new lover scorned, my temptress continued her onslaught...  clouding my mind with temporal pleasures and a desperate need to sell before her expiration date...  With passionate plees, she called to me, reached out to me, frozen in my hand...  A thin layer of frost, the harbinger of what was to come, began our painful seperation...  and for a moment she had me, till I began to wonder,  "What is dextrose and why is it in here?"

 "Cruel, cruel world," she seemed to say... as her angry barcode glared at me...

How sad I thought, perhaps just a taste, a hint of support, but I know myself much better than that...  "I must resist" is all I thought...  and with trembling hand I put down my very scarlet lettered lover and walked away, alone, but glad to have those sweet memories of moments gone by...

... and then along came Barbie

*******   I could not resist the music - LOL

So, I think that it is more than appropriate in honor of Ken, as in Barbie and Ken, turning 50 that I had a run in this morning with a real life Barbie…

Now training at my gym is a serious subject for me…  I am not terribly friendly at my gym, I view it as work and “me” time…  My routines as described here are not for the faint of heart, and it takes a lot of concentration and determination to continue moving forward…  With that said I think you will agree I am not out for any social aspect of the gym…

Well today I was doing intermediate planks…  A quick explanation, a plank is when you rest on your forearms in a push up position for as long as you can… it is a core exercise… intermediate planks are when you do the same thing except your arms are resting on a very wily yoga ball…  in other words your core has to be pretty strong in order to do the exercise and NOT fall off the ball…

Now I think you can imagine that this, like all exercise, requires concentration…  I am trying desperately not to fall off the ball…  So you can imagine my surprise when from behind me I hear a high pitch voice and a gum snap, saying, “You’re doing that wrong…” 

Now I thought for a moment that I might be hearing things but I heard another gum snap, the same words and then out of the corner of my eye I saw the bedazzled pink leg warmer of a potential new menace in my life…  Barbie…

For the record, I would normally welcome criticism…  In fact, I probably would appreciate finding out the “right way” to do something – but it was that tone in her voice…  I think you know what I mean…  that tone that sorta tells you, “ I’m right and you're wrong”,  without even room for explanation…  Perhaps I’m just sensitive but trust me when I say this – this was no supportive or constructive assist – I was an easy target for this Mattel wannabe…

Literally standing before me was a living Barbie doll, sweat band included…  Blonde hair in a ponytail, a very form fitting pink and rainbow combo spandex outfit and sneakers I am sure actually light up when she walks…  I must have looked quizzical to elicit yet another gum snap…  All I kept thinking was how does she fit in that dream house of hers?  She had an abundance of confidence and clearly a following at the gym…  Lots of the himbos were checking her out…  but I was the “lucky” one she was addressing….

She went ahead and stationed herself in front of me…  She said, “If you keep doing that you’re gonna hurt yourself”, gum snap and chew, chew and more chew…

It is rare that I am in the presence of a living cliché…  All she needed to add to her repertoire was a couple of, “Like Oh my Gods” and boom – I would have been transported back in time about 20 years…  But with a clear plastic resolve – she owned what she was – and strangely I appreciated that…

I said to her, “Well, this is how I was taught how to do it, by one of the trainers here…  You know this is the intermediate plank…” 

More vapid than Sarah Brightman in Phantom of the Opera, I just  felt the icy gaze of disapproval… I have to say at this point I noticed her chewing was quite impressive…  She actually seemed to be a circular chewer…  For someone who prides themselves on their looks – this chewing thing of hers was really out of sorts…  It kinda mangled her face into these grotesque poses as she chewed and snapped her way through “listening” to me…

She countered, “Well they don’t know what they are doing… Doing that exercise on a ball is almost impossible, I should know I use to be a trainer…” and then back to the gum snaps and the chews… 

So at this point I am a little suspect as to the veracity of her claim…  I’m thinking to myself ,  “I doubt that this could be wrong… I spent a lot of time learning how to do this and I had a trainer with me the whole time… and when is she gonna stop chewing like a cow?” 

Her headband seemed to tighten as she scowled at me, I guess for not budging to her whim…  In fact, her entire body seemed angry that I wasn’t kowtowing to her wishes…  Clearly, she is use to getting what she wants…

I started to get mad…

I said to her, “Well how would you do it?”

And then she said it, “Well if you’re gonna be an idiot about it… why should I even bother to show you how to do a push up correctly… “

For a moment I froze…  Was it entirely possible that Barbie did not hear me?  Did her plastic ears miss a beat?  Or was it all that chewing?

Anyway, Barbie got fed up and walked away… snapping her gum in her wake as she entered deep into himbo territory for some solace.  I heard her say to a very muscled himbo, “That jerk dosen't know how to do a push up… look…”  The himbo replied, “Idiot…” Even their laugh was fake and then off together they went upstairs…  perhaps Skipper was waiting up there for them...

I paused for a minute or two, reflected on what had just happened...  I realized she was one of the many people we encounter in life who don’t care to listen or understand, or more importantly was ill informed and made decisions based on the wrong concept...  Whatever it was I was clear, never going to change that - no matter how hard I could have tried, and proceeded to do the best set of intermediate planks I had ever done.

Art and Life...

When was the last time you were moved by art?

More importantly, when was the last time you stopped and appreciated it?

We live in a world surrounded by art... and yet when was the last time you took the time, for yourself might I add, to experience it?


So I have the utmost repect for artists...  whether it is my friends in theatre, or my friends in other media...  The actual craft of what we do, is something that should be celebrated more...  This weekend I have had the pleasure of witnessing not one but two great artistic endeavors...

First off, please check out the link below.  Eric Enright is a talented artist, whose grasp of his media can make anyone appreciate it...  I encourage all of you out there to take a few minutes and look at his latest project...

http://www.365daysofprint.com/category/march-artist/eric-enright/

Secondly, I have never been so proud of my friend Maria Wheeler, till I saw her production last night...  Now, I knew Maria 15 years ago and when we last left her she played Velma Kelly in a production of Chicago, that truly was amazing, for a college troupe might I add...  Maria's love for her craft is evident and the fact that not only does she teach it, but fosters love for the art is something I find so admirable...  the link below is from our local paper and explains it far better than I do...

http://www.northjersey.com/news/117817778_Middle_school_students_are_ready_to_take_stage_in_musicals.html

Either way I hope you can take a few minutes and share in the joys of art this weekend...  To the Artists - Bravo to the Audience the same...  Please make art a smidge more of your life - it's worth it...

Ok - its pop quiz time

Ever wonder what your EQ is?

Emotional Intelligence, or EI, describes an ability or capacity to perceive, assess, and manage the emotions of one's self, and of others.  Our EQ, or Emotional Quotient, is how one measures Emotional Intelligence. 

Emotions have the potential to get in the way of our most important business and personal relationships. According to John Kotter of Harvard Business School: “Because of the furious pace of change in business today, difficult to manage relationships sabotage more business than anything else - it is not a question of strategy that gets us into trouble; it is a question of emotions.”

Take the test...  I scored a 56

http://www.ihhp.com/quiz.php

Shout Outs...

Two quick shout outs...

1) Happy Birthday Kelly - I hope you are having a great day...

2) To my dear cousin Donna - thanks for having a quick 4 hour lunch with me today.... it was fab as always...  (And blog family Im gonna need your help convincing my cousin to be a guest writer on this...)

Higher ground - 10 days in review...

So I have been sick...  I think everyone can tell...  the blog here goes radio silent...  I had, twice might I add, whatever is going around - high fever for days followed by all these flu like symptoms...  it knocks you out for a while, me something like 7 days - that's like an eternity if you ask me....  but when you are bed ridden for days your mind tends to take you to higher ground...  moving your psyche away from the physical situations at hand and affords you the luxuary to watch, think and observe...  From a my lofty perch;

• I have been amazed at what's going on in our world, nature's fury and man made problems all rolled up into a perfect storm of destruction.  I have watched people who have been left with nothing have more grace and dignity then people I know who have everything and then some...

• I managed to rally when I needed it most and pull off something (we will explore it in a blog all by itself) that a small bunch of harpy-like nay sayers had me not able to do (and yes I was sick on top of it!) I want to thank them briefly for allowing me the opportunity to prove them wrong - again!  I guess people haven't learned I like a good challenge...

• I saw incredible beauty at the New York Botanical Gardens Orchid show and was amazed by the magic of Mary Poppins (yes you heard me correctly).

So to all of you whom I own emails and return calls, please understand why its been so hard to get me of late....

I have a himbo update in the works, a true gym update as well and posts, lots of posts (what else do you do when you are forced to stay in bed all day?) so the blog is back up in earnest!


Finally, today - even if it is for a moment - please join me, like so many others in sending your thoughts and prayers to the people of Japan...

Ides of March - Parano style

Hey there... miss me?

I know a few of you might wonder why I have been silent over the last few days...  Normally, since starting this a little over a month and a half ago, I have been pretty reliable when it comes to posts...  Adept friends, that you are, you might have sensed that major events have been taken place - hence my lack of usually verbal ferocity (LOL!) And if you have guessed that congratulations, you are correct...

You see, a major piece of the genesis of all of the changes in me challenged me this week...  You know, those intense moments before the finish line... the do or die moments... well one of them (there are 2, FYI) decided to have me face-it-off with the yet described incidents that drive my writing...  and while I know it seems very cloak and dagger of me to keep this so close to the vest - please trust me when I say stay tuned, because the payoff will be greater for all of us...

I am amazed at how people react... I mean people that you know for years, that represent major pieces of your life, tend to become your greatest adversaries when left unchecked...  or challenged...  or both...  Not to say that you can't exhibit frustration or even anger but really what is the purpose of those emotions if they prohibit you from functioning to get through a rough patch...  I find it illogical (I know how Spock of me)

I am a fixer, I have been all my life...  For whatever reason, I am always prepared to handle crisis...  And sometimes I find myself moving into the middle of one - because I guess I know I can handle it...  Now that may sound great or noble, but let me give you an inside tip...  its not...  A lot of my day sometimes is spent prepping for those "in case of emergency" moments... and while I am lucky that I can divorce my emotions from the situation at hand, I am also paying the price by constantly being on guard and ready... its exhausting...

Without going into detail, let's just say that I had to call up all of my reserves this week and basically only functioned in the problem that I was facing...  I have not done that in quite a long time...  All energy that I could give it, I did and I am proud that I always have a plan B... and so now I'm working on plan B and a plan B for plan B (you see where this gets tricky?)

Anyhow, I believe my writing will be coming back in earnest very shortly - a preview includes another foray into the elusive world of himbos and some mayhem of cosmic portions...

Stay tuned

D

 

Well sometimes doesn't this sum up life...

These mice above are a great example of how I feel sometimes...

Running around and around in a big circle...  Don't we all feel that way... 

Perhaps its the emergence of spring, or those tense moments we all don't like to have that make it all the more evident that sometimes we are just spinning our wheels.  I have done a lot of wheel busting or derailing (your choice of word) lately in trying to stop spinning my wheels and have had great success...  However, as with life some wheels are larger than others... 

I find if I am allowed to think it through and not feel pressured for an answer, there is always a way...  I believe that...  I explained to a few people I have learned that "NO" is truly not an answer.  You just have to dig in and figure things out...  Hard work really does pay off and no matter what you can control your destiny... Hell, I'm living proof these days...

What gets me is the emotions that are conjured up... people when pressured are usually at their worst...  I have a job and some what of a life that does not allow me that luxury.  I believe in helping people, finding solutions and trying NOT to disappoint anyone... oh wait, there is one person who I disappoint, myself...  You see for far too long I have moved everything in front of my needs and now I am starting to realize the price I paid...  so now I am working on righting a lot of wrongs that I have done to me...  but also still stick to my mantra of helping people not hindering...

In parts of my life, I am really almost there - just mere steps away from freeing myself of the big wheels that have haunted me of late...  I can feel them going down, I just have to figure out a few more steps...  I am rallying all my strength (though part of that is zapped from the INTENSE workouts I'm doing - LOL - I will be blogging about that tomorrow) and I know I will get there - one way or another...  when I get through this last hurdle, a darker part of my life will close, something I have been wanting and needing for a long time...

So if you run into me in the next few days and I seem perplexed or distant... know that I am just spinning the wheels in my head to figure out how to stop spinning the wheels of my life...

...and the winner is...

So I had a conversation last night after the Academy Awards - the person I was talking to ask me which was my favorite speech?  I said to them matter of factly, "Well it has been said yet..." 

There was silence on the other end of the phone. 

I continued, "Well the film hasn't been made yet (I did stifle the words, 'a very important picture', like Auntie Norma Desmond would say) and I haven't gone up there to accept the award..." 

Strange only one of us laughed - and it wasn't me...

Two true facts for those of you who aren't in the know - one I am a theatre arts person (COULD NOT TELL BY MY PERSONALITY RIGHT?) and two I went to the Academy Awards way back in the 90's when Cuba Gooding Jr. won for Jerry Maguire...  I made a promise to myself I would return and at least be nominated for something...  Granted I placed it only a few years later but hey if David Seidler, writing the King's Speech, at 73 can win an award - I got some time....

So I thought about it and I wondered if I was nominated and should I have won - considering all the things going on in my world... what would I say... 

"Wow!  This is amazing... incredible, wonderful... but there are somethings I would like to point out to you all...  Yes, everyone thanks the cast, crew and production teams and granted I am right there with you - with out all of you - this wouldn't be possible...  Thank You... 

But there are people out there who you all don't know that truly won this award tonight... Who are they you ask?  Well they are the people who have been my family and friends in what seems like forever... 

You have them don't you?  The people that you just click with, cry with, laugh with...  who strangely are more your family than what the definition is...  They show kindness, bawdiness and they are the funniest people around...  They can sit around a table and in minutes rally to a cause, dispel any rumor and gossip more rigorously they anyone you know...  You know them right?  Because I hope we all have them in our lives...  Mine break into teams...

There are "the muses", my rag tag bunch of beauties who give me inspiration daily, there are "the co-conspirators" whose mission while secret have never failed me and our loyalty and trust are a lesson for the ages, then there are "the ones" - those who I would go into the fire for...  but together they make an impressive array of mentors whom I learn from and treasure.


There are also, "those people" - the ones who doubted and wronged me.  Without you as well, this wouldn't be possible.  Your mistake was to make a judgement call too quickly...  and while you are on the periphery of my life - it is important to acknowledge your presence - and to remind people to rise up and above their critics and blaze trails those stunted people could never ever do. 

Of course I am thanking my long suffering family - putting up with me for all these years... and then to the two people who made this all possible, my mother and father - they prove to me daily that my mother should be made a saint and the nickname "The Riddler" is most apt for my Dad... "

And in true Parano style as the music swelled, I would trip as I walked off the stage...

The Countdown has begun...

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